Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
