Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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