I just saw a hot homeless man
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
