Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
