I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
