Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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