I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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