Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
