i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize