Porn is love you can see.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
