Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
