Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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