Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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