I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
