Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Less talking, more tequila
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
