He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
