if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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