Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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