they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
