We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
