Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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