There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
