the condom got lost in my hair
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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