are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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