I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
