i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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