How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
