hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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