so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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