It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
