i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
