Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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