"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
