why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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