i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she smelled like a LAN party
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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