I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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