I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
