just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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