I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
