I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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