I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
