How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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