She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
