Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
