he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
