Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Even my vagina gasped.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
