Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
