youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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