you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
