Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
