You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
