she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
