my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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