Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
