Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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