i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
