Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
