Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
