Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
