I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
