just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
