she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
