Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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