she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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