i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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