I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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