five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
