Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
