I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize