I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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