My sheets look like a crime scene.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
