I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
