You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
