i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
