shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
