Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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